5 Things My Resume Won't Tell You (For Good Reason):
1. I’ve already been to 37 states and went to a national park in about every one of them.
2. I once shared a red carpet with Ryan Reynolds and Emma Stone. Granted, it was the 2013 premiere of The Croods, but they seemed happy to meet me.
3. I have six fake teeth. I won’t tell you which ones, but it does make every crunchy snack a high-stakes gambling move.
4. In 2022, I was the 'Sing Leader' for my sleepaway camp color war team: Honky Tonk Blues. My job description was essentially Weird Al Yankovic, but exclusively for country songs and 12-year-olds.
5. I was so obsessed with Kermit the Frog as a kid that people still ask me to do the voice.
Ok, now you can look at my resume:
